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 The Animal Mafia Team, A motley crew that would shame most of the characters from Wacky Racers. Have a read about our members (facts may not be 100% accurate but we'll ignore that.)  Bilge - Badger Pope,
Martyr, Mafia DonAfter becoming gorged on childrens toes one drunken night at the pub in 1966 Bilge stumbled out across the local road on the way back to her set. Where due to some unfortunate events involving a slack jawed yokel (who was likely called Cletus) and his pickup truck, Bilge was tragically slain (but not before jumping though the windscreen to ruthlessly savage the yokel to death. Within hours the local animal community had recovered her battered corpse and performed some rudimentry taxidermy (using the local newspaper) and the pagans they had abducted a few weeks earlier to perform some bizarre ritual to give her immortality. Since her "rebirth" she has been biding her time infiltrating local animal tribes to better understand and control them. In 1995 she was ordained Holy Badger Pope by the Pope himself (she even got a drive in the pope mobile, proper pimp eh....) And has since worked with us to create the Animal Mafia a project to control all badgers and thus control all animal kind.  Miles - Professional
Bas*rdAfter being constructed in a laboratory somewhere deep underground. Miles was clearly angry about the fact his limbs had been stuck together worse than the Gingerbread man off Shrek. Finding the nearest offensive weapon (himself) he escaped the facility using a torrent of abuse that would make a tourettes sufferer sound like a Princess. Upon entering the free world he found it immensly confusing, people could actually talk to each other without being abusive? surely not. It was at this point he came across a somewhat rustly badger who needed some work. From this day onwards his abusive nature has been put to use deflating egos the world over whilst updating this website. In his spare time he is attempting to prove that Jam (Strawberry) should be on the periodic table, as well as being outraged by beauty product advertisments on TV "because they are blatently discriminating against ET." as well as being utterly rude to people (especially the French) on Xbox Live "tis truely a great invention"  Paul
aka ET -
Professional Moaning Git, Trainee Bas*rdThe result of a freak genetic experiment into species modification, Paul has since had an uncontrollable protective nature about his "personal space" with his goat "Precious." Some have commented that this is because Precious actually bares a great deal of resemblence to him. This is of course strongly denied. By him anyway. He has been in training for several years to appear on "One man and his dog" despite the fact that Miles keeps telling him that they only herd sheep and not goats. Ever fearful of dying (because "Goats go to Hell") he chooses the safest mode of transport possible, the VW Beetle 1966 (blatent guesswork there) its so safe that its utterly immobile. Even if he did crash it all the impact energy would just turn the whole thing back to a cloud of rust and he'd be able to fly away since (Goats can fly remember, because they are related to squirrels. What do you mean you've never seen a goat up a tree counting acorns? Filthy townies, oh they throw the acorns at townies) Paul has many hobbies including weapon construction (he's built a spud gun and a trebuchet) and collecting tat and not to forget his favourite pasttime, Dogging (by that i mean dog walking not that other thing, unless i have it the wrong way around again.)  Aimee - Dr. DolittleDeprived of animals
throughout childhood, Aimee took it upon herself to create a veritable
Noahs Ark of animals at the Animal Mafia HQ. She has managed to train
Swab as both a pirate AND a ninja whilst sacrificing herself for use as
the Mitze attack dummy. She puts the "Animals" in Animal Mafia, now if
she could just train us a real life Monkey Butler (you know, the ones
with the
bellboy uniform) life would be perfect! Until that time we will just
have to settle for ET although i think a monkey would be easier to
train but i'm not an expert.
 James Durrant
Esquire - The Squire, Professional Gentlemen, Drunkard and Politician."The Names Durrant, James Durrant" a man who makes women swoon with unforgettable lines such as "....Hi...." said to be even more effective than Roger Moores raised eyebrow. The founder of what some might call "rather extreme" Durrant Political Party (have they seen Kilroys thoughts recently?) and professional Bond villian. James made himself famous the world over when he drunkenly posed with and abused Bilge (who alledgedly enjoyed it.) He has since furthered his fame by starring in the Angry Little Man film series. He in no way resembles Boris Johnson (quote "I'm not as fat.") In his spare time he likes Whiskey, Gin and Vodka but not Tequila, that makes him ill.  Laura - Spethal
(with a capital lisp), Professional Slipper Model.Starting off with the huge disadvantage of being from New Zealand (yes i still want to know what they did with the Old one) oh no wait my mistake all the convicts went to Australia. Anyway after several years of her life being told she looked like a model she finally decided to break onto the scene and hasn't moved since. Yes the slipper industy really is the hip and happening place you might imagine. She brings a smile to the faces of many coffin dodgers looking for the perfect footwear. In her spare time she likes beating locals (the ugly fat variety) with her own specially crafted ugly stick whilst humming tunes she can't remember the words for.  Greg - bass lurvin'
junkie, professional window rattler, speaker box, public noise hazard...Suffering from the worst birth defect of all (being ginger) Greg has come a long way to integrate his kind with society (what do you mean it wasn't him that invented hair dye?) A constant source of entertainment (not in the same way as ET.) In his spare time he likes to terrorise the inhabitants of Slough with his motorbicycle.  Sam - Master of
DisguiseSam came into this world as a master of disguise, and should really have been on the A-team instead of "Face" because frankly he was rubbish. Given just a few household items Sam could manufacture a Wild Stallion (garden chair, cornflakes box, string and a draft excluder) a full tuxedo (several black bin bags some string and Mike) and a full body disguise (Sam, trenchcoat and a moles head.) Soon to be an apprentice carpenter, Sam hopes to carpent the whole world!  Kilroy - Ah ahhhhhh
Saviour of the UniverseOh no wait i think thats Jerry Springer. Anyway Kilroy has always been a keen supporter of Animal Mafia. Although we haven't forgiven him for getting his show axed (he could have at least weilded an axe on his show!! Jerry would have!!!) God Bless him and his extremist political views. We love ya Kilroy. The rest will be added at some point in the very close future.
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